I often see books and advice columns with helpful incites from mothers to daughters or fathers to daughters but never advice for sons. Perhaps it’s part of life’s initiation – the old fashioned views that girls should be guided along and boys should find out on their own. Now with a son of my own it has dawned on me that my father left me with a wealth of knowledge that I will gladly pass along as situations arise. Until such time – here are a few:
-Treat your mother with respect – she brought you into this world, and if you don’t, I can quickly take you out of it – or at least ground the shit out of you until you’re 18.
-Listen to your elders – ALL OF THEM. They have one thing you cannot possibly attain – more life experience than you.
-Learn how to cook – Even if it is a few simple items such as spaghetti or chicken soup. You will become self-sufficient, save money and possibly impress the hell out of your future spouse or drunken roommates.
-Avoid fights until you can’t – and when you can’t avoid any longer – punch the asshole as hard as you can in the center of his face. If he gets up-do it again. Don’t ever use a knife in a fight. You were given fists for a reason and no matter how good you think you may be – there is always someone better.
-Don’t run with scissors-please don’t make me explain this. Ever.
-Get involved in athletics – It will teach you most of what you need to know about discipline, competition, how to be humble when you win, and most importantly, how to handle situations when you lose.
-Be loyal to family and friends – they are everything you have that makes good times good and all you have to lean on when times are bad.
-Make an effort to understand girls – they have different needs and different priorities. If you do not attempt to learn some of them your life and your relationships will be difficult at best. Pretty much just tell them they are always right even if they’re not.
-“Does this dress make me look fat?” and “Do I look pretty?” are by no means valid questions. They are not questions at all. They are a demand statement letting you know that you have not given a compliment lately. I cannot stress how imperative it is to answer this “question” as fast as humanly possible. I mean before the last syllable leaves their lips or you will be in a world of hurt that you never knew existed.
-Treat your significant other the way you would want your mother to be treated.
-Protect your sister viciously. Even if she is older than you – she will need you throughout the rest of your lives and you better be there for her.
-It’s ok to cry
-Dance with the girl that brung you. This was one of your Grandfather’s favorite sayings. It does not apply solely to relationships. Just a reminder that you should stick with something because it works.
-Do your best to avoid drugs – you will be confronted throughout life with opportunities and I hope to Christ the love and education that you receive will make you make the correct decision.
– I am going to embarrass you quite a bit – especially when you are a teenager. This is not intentional – you are just going to go through a phase where I’m not as cool as you once thought I was. You will learn once you get out of this phase that I was, in fact, that cool. Probably even cooler.
-Seriously I can’t harp on this enough. Don’t even pick up the effing scissors.
I wish so badly you could have met him – but everything written above came from his mouth. I hope to be as good a Dad to you as he was to me.